Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
