So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
