This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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