You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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