He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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