you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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