The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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