Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
