i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
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Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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