so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My ATM looks so different sober.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
