Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
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I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
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Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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