I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
