how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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