I got chris browned last night
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
