Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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