I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
