Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
