went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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