Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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