I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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