He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
