Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
