he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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