im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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