we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
