I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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