shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize