Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
