some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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