I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
