That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
