she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize