I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize