so that wasnt chicken after all
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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