and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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