OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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