That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
