he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
