bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
