her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Life is so much better after having sex.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
