If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
