So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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