Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
