My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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