the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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