If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
