I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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