dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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