Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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