either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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