I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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