Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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