Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
