NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
