They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
