I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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