Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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