if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
