my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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