I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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