he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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