THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
