i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
