yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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