you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
