I cockslap morals
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
