She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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