there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
