I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
