I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
